The thought of living with a roommate of the opposite sex can cause some very unsettling feelings. Believe it or not, it’s perfectly normal to feel a little awkward or insecure about the idea.
In this guide, we’ll discuss all the secrets required to ease your mind and feel very comfortable with this idea.
Before we start, I want to mention one important thing you also need to make this work. You’ll only get it through life experience; it’s CONFIDENCE. Read on to discover what it takes to get it and make this potentially fun living arrangement a success.
Let’s get started!
1) Get rid of Awkward and Insecure feelings
A lot of people feel awkward or insecure with the idea of living with a roommate of the opposite gender. These feelings can also cause you to feel anxious and very uncomfortable.
You think to yourself, are my friends going to think that some kind of love affair is going on?
Well, I’m here to let you in on a little secret. No one really cares, and most people are not going to think that. If you have a friend who thinks otherwise and is out spreading gossip, tell them it’s platonic, and you might want to question your friendship with them.
Some excellent ideas for easing the awkwardness you feel with your roommate is to discuss TV shows, movies or even books about roommates of the opposite sex living together.
If you want a good laugh, I suggest you check out the hit TV show “Three’s Company,” which premiered in the late 70’s. It’s about two women and a single guy being roommates and sharing an apartment.
You can read about the show here: threescompany.com
If you can’t stand John Ritter, I won’t hold it against you. Try looking up the shows “Friends” or “Two and a Half Men” instead. Just take the jokes from Charlie Sheen with a grain of salt.
Why is it good to have a laugh and watch these silly old TV shows about friends and roommates living together?
Because you’ll be so busy laughing your ass off, it will help you build up your confidence and conquer those feelings of awkwardness and insecurity.
This will help you to relax and make it easy to have an interesting conversation with your roommate. You want to enjoy your time with them and have fun; this is a good sign things are moving in the right direction between the two of you.
Before you know it, those feelings of awkwardness and insecurity will start to fade away into the sunset.
2) Building rapport with the opposite sex
Having a good rapport with the opposite gender all starts with the effort you make to get to know them as a person. Stop and ask yourself this question: Is it easier to build rapport with someone the same sex as me or is it more comfortable with the opposite sex?
Depending on how you relate to the various people in your social circle, the answer will be easier than you think. Regardless of the answer you chose, there is no right or wrong answer. Just remember to be kind and treat them with respect, the rest will fall into place.
You will have no issues getting this arrangement to work out well if you spend some time to learn more about them and their interests in life. The more common interests you share for home decorating, cooking, movies, music, humor, and other social activities, the better chance for being successful roommates.
Here are some fun ideas you can try so you can learn about each other:
- Discuss how you’d like to decorate and furnish your new place. Find out about each other’s tastes and agree on what will work.
- In the kitchen, you can share each other’s secret recipes and give each other tips for being the best chef around.
- Have your closest friends come over and socialize for a BBQ or a small gathering. This is an excellent way to help your roommate find new connections for dating, finding a new job or a new business opportunity!
- Give each other advice on setting up an appealing online dating profile.
- Discuss your favorite movies and shows on Netflix, then set up a time to watch them together.
If you two are hitting it off with doing all of these cool things, that’s a great sign that this roommate relationship will prosper and grow. If not, then you’ll most likely end up going your separate ways at the end of the lease.
Next, let’s discuss the one thing that’s essential to having a good relationship with your roommate.
3) You need trust with the opposite sex
Like any other relationship you might get yourself in, trust has to exist between you and the other person. Trust will take some time to build as you discover more personal details about each other. Be patient and open with them, especially if they take a bit longer to trust you back.
Be careful! Nothing will disrupt the trust between opposite sex roommates faster than behavior that could be perceived as threatening or dangerous.
So if your roommate wants a friend to stay the night in your new place to help them feel safe, don’t have an issue with that. Otherwise, you could come off as jealous, creepy, or not trustworthy. Your intentions could also be questioned.
Feeling safe in a new living space is the most important feeling for your new roommate to have. This is especially true if they are moving out on their own for the first time. So give them all the time they need to feel secure about living with you.
Once you have built rapport and trust with each other, it will be easy to avoid flirting with each other. Well.. maybe not and we’ll discuss that next.
4) Avoid flirting with each other, even if it’s friendly
You must avoid any flirting that might breach the boundary for being just roommates. If the flirting does start, it is best to just ignore or laugh about it in a friendly way. If needed, you can remind them of the trust you have for one another, and how important it is for you not to break that trust.
If further action is required, remind them of the roommate agreements you signed together and that it’s just a friendship “roomy” relationship!
Sometimes people (men or women) can have a bubbly or flirty personality that may seem like they are hitting on you. But they are not! Some people cannot turn this off, and they act flirty and friendly with everyone they know. If that is the case, you have nothing to worry about.
Friendly flirting is one thing, but sleeping with them is an entirely different matter all in itself. We’ll discuss how to avoid that mistake next!
5) How to avoid sleeping with them
Imagine this for a moment. You’ve been living together for a while now, and you’ve discovered some really intimate things about your roommate. You two have some amazing rapport and trust with each other.
But you see where things might be going; they are flirting non-stop with you, trying to maybe even ask you out on a date, or worse already tried once to sleep with you.
To prevent this from happening, you will have to remind them of the roommate agreements you have together. Also, mention that it is just a business arrangement between you two and be very clear that you are not at all interested in them romantically.
It can be a bit awkward, but if you two have gotten this far, you can be confident that they should understand and stop.
Make sure you’re doing everything in your power to make yourself not attractive to them. If you are dating someone, it will be easy giving your roommate the constant reminder that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
If it does not stop and you are not comfortable then the trust has been broken. Once that happens, it’s probably time to reconsider a new living arrangement. After all, at this point, things are feeling way too creepy.
Next, let’s discuss something else you should avoid doing with your roommate.
6) Let your roommate date others freely and don’t be jealous!
Don’t ever be upset if your opposite sex roommate starts dating someone. You’ll come off as a jealous, controlling roommate, which is an instant turn off.
It’s important to establish some boundary rules, like no more than three nights a week for overnight guests. After all, it’s not fair to the other roommate to move in your new dating partner.
Sometimes you may hear some lovemaking sounds coming from inside your roommate’s bedroom. Talk about feeling awkward! The best thing to do is to ignore it and keep life going as usual. Don’t embarrass your roomy by mentioning it unless you’re trying to sleep and it’s keeping you up night after night.
In the end, you may just end up laughing about the whole thing in a casual conversation to address the issue. That’s probably the best way to bring it up!
What about dating my roommate, if we have feelings for each other?
If you find your roommate incredibly attractive and you end up hooking up on a date, there’s no crime against that. It’s OK to do this as long as it’s consensual and you can’t stop flirting or it’s becoming impossible for the two of you not to sleep together.
You also have to realize this will break the roommate agreement you two share because you’re a couple now.
I’m sure there is a large percentage of roommates out in the world that may have hooked up and are married now. That’s certainly a possibility, and if it ever works out that way, great! I mean, after all, there’s no law about hitting on your roommate, as long as they welcome it.
7) More roommate tips you should follow
Now that you have some perspective on this topic, you might want to review my other two guides for 8 Steps to Finding a Roommate and Secrets to Living With a Roommate Explained to get the whole picture. Also…
If you are considering using an online website to find a roommate of the opposite sex you should use RoomiApp.com or Roomster.com. They have profiles which contain photos, which will help create a safer experience for you. I wrote a review on using RoomiApp; it’s called Roomiapp.com – Let’s review this awesome roommate finder site!
Also, I recently discovered a couple of questions on Quora about living with a roommate of the opposite gender, there defiantly worth reviewing.
My Final Thoughts…
I hope you found the information in this guide useful. There’s always a small chance that an issue will come up with your roommate that you don’t see eye to eye on. That is OK, try to work it out the best way you can or call it quits and move on to something better.
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